My brain has atrophied. You know the real reason why I haven't been blogging that much lately? I can't think anymore! When I graduated from college, I was so happy to be free of late night cram sessions, typing 20 page term papers till the wee hours of the morning, and drinking coffee as if it were water to keep going (oh wait, I still do that). And get this -- I went to a Christian college! I've come to realize that if you graduate from a Christian college still living passionately for God, you should count yourself blessed. Prior to attending this college, I enjoyed reading God's word and learning about God. I was hungry for it, because I certainly wasn't getting any opportunities for Biblical revelation at the public school I went to. But when I started college, all of the sudden what I previously did for my own pleasure had become my homework. Then it wasn't so appealing anymore. You learn to get passed that though. However, as soon as I graduated, I ceased to think. I was just all thinked out. And as of yet, my brain is still MIA.
Not only have I been incapable of any critical thinking lately, but I've been struggling a great deal with discipline. I see that it's necessary for me to cultivate discipline in order for me to be effective. What do I mean by effective? I mean doing what God wants me to do. This should be relatively simple, seeing as I have a relationship with God through Jesus Christ under the new covenant. All I have to do is love God, love other people, and tell people about it so that they can have the same relationship that I do. THAT'S ALL THAT I HAVE TO DO. If I do these things, the rest will fall into place. If I learned anything at that Christian college of mine, it's that everything that isn't connected to the death, burial, and resurrection of Jesus (affectionately referred to as DBR by the students at my school) is secondary. I'm not saying unimportant, but secondary. If I focus on the things I should be doing like loving God and loving other people, I will feel compelled to do the things that are necessary to keep growing in this lifestyle such as reading God's word. So why do people keep arguing about things like church buildings and elders or whatever it is people do in churches? It's unimportant, and people are dying.
I have a confession to make -- I haven't been to church (by this I mean in a building on Sunday morning) in months! We tried a few in the Taipei area, but we just couldn't stick with it. The last straw was the one that refused to give us communion until we signed a contract (by this I mean a piece of bread and a little cup of grape juice that everyone takes one by one in silence). I didn't sign the contract. I sat down, and after the service ended, I walked out of the stone doors for the last time.
This isn't to say I've turned my back on God. I love Him, more than ever. But I don't see Him in those buildings as much as I used to. When I go and hang out with the homeless people by Longshan Temple, I see Him. When I'm meeting with people in my home, and when unbelievers ask me honest questions, I feel His presence. When I'm sharing a meal with another Christian -- communion in its truest form -- He's there. So I'm through with " church". I'm done sitting in my little chair watching one man speak about God to an audience, but I'm ready for a deeper relationship with God and with other people. Ian and I are going to have church in our living room this Sunday with some other people. We'll see what God has in store!